A few weeks ago, my family and I gathered in the heart of West Hollywood. No, I wasn’t giving them a tour of gay town. Our reunion was a more meaningful celebratory occasion. The youngest generational member of our clan, my prima-hermana (first cousin), was having a baby shower for her first child due in August.
The party was awesome. She seems to have great friends, who care and love her husband very much, and I was happy to see that be the case. I only wish it would have occurred to us to throw her the shower.
Mind you, we aren’t very close, but we love each other nevertheless.
Unlike most Latino families, mine chose to emulate the United Nations. Most of us married or partnered up with a person from a different ethnic background. Suffice to say, I have family members who are white, Asian, black, Jewish, Guatemalan, Puerto Rican; my niece even dated an Afghan man for a while. We also have a lesbian, a bisexual and a gay (me); almost all the colors of the rainbow.
But diversity isn't always a prelude to open-mindedness.
As the party began to dwindle and all the presents had been opened, there was something that I found particularly upsetting. This of course, would not be the first time a family member's actions or words flicks the wrong switch on me. Perhaps that is why I rather have these sporadic reunions, than a customary visit and encounter with my blood relatives.
My brother-in-law, who in his buzz had just insisted that my presence was always welcomed in his home, peeked through the window of the high rise condominium.
From a short distance a pool deck was host to guests and residents of the complex. Men and woman enjoyed the warm sun and the soothing water. On the far left of the patio two men in shorts held hands, romantically.
“I don’t need to see that…” said my brother-in-law as he walked away.
I knew why he made that comment.
“I remember a time when my dad used to say the same,” I said.
Only my Jewish brother-in-law noticed my response and annoyance.
My black brother-in-law, the one who made the comment, didn’t get it.
I left.
It wasn’t that long ago, I remembered, when people would stare at interracial couples with a nauseated expression. Seems situations haven’t changed much in America, just how they are expressed.
Moreover, people continue to contend that they aren’t prejudice because they have a family member or friend who is a member of a group for whom they express discrimination.
My father used to say, I don’t like most black people, but Nowell is different; as if my brother-in-law wasn’t black or he was an anomaly. But in this case, I was the anomaly.
Gays are gross, especially if they hold hands in public, but I’m OK.
Don’t get me wrong, my brother-in-law is a great human being, but he doesn’t get it.
And, he’s not alone.
My most recent partner refused to go with me to an NAACP banquet as our relationship neared the end.
“What am I going to do in a room full of niggers?” he reasoned. “At least you are colored.”
--That made sense, right?
Recently, I went to dinner with a gay white man who also referred to black people who work at Wal-Mart as “lazy niggers.” Not even my protest that affirmed that my relatives were black stopped him.
While most people I encounter express themselves positively about Latinos, I wonder how what they say about my people behind my back.
Wait! There was one occasion. When a spokesman for the city council I covered as a reporter told me he wouldn’t take his family to the Cinco de Mayo celebrations in the city because he didn’t want to expose them to the gang members.
How is it possible that in 2009 we still have not reached a level intellectual equanimity?
Yet, we expect others to respect of others and fair treatment.
Perhaps it’s because as minority groups we haven’t been able to look past our noses. Latinos disparage themselves based on their country of origin; other ethnic groups chastise homosexuals based on the same religious rearing that at one time was used to keep them “in their place;” and gays and lesbians often look down on people living with HIV, bisexuals and transgender people.
An even playing field never will be reached as long as one group of people continues make excuses, exceptions and extraordinary judgments about another group of people they view with lesser value.
My only hope is that Lorelei, my prima-sobrina (my cousin's daughter), experiences a world that is free of discrimination. Where it doesn't matter what type of consenting adult decides to hold hands in public because all that should matter is that it is a loving couple.
The party was awesome. She seems to have great friends, who care and love her husband very much, and I was happy to see that be the case. I only wish it would have occurred to us to throw her the shower.
Mind you, we aren’t very close, but we love each other nevertheless.
Unlike most Latino families, mine chose to emulate the United Nations. Most of us married or partnered up with a person from a different ethnic background. Suffice to say, I have family members who are white, Asian, black, Jewish, Guatemalan, Puerto Rican; my niece even dated an Afghan man for a while. We also have a lesbian, a bisexual and a gay (me); almost all the colors of the rainbow.
But diversity isn't always a prelude to open-mindedness.
As the party began to dwindle and all the presents had been opened, there was something that I found particularly upsetting. This of course, would not be the first time a family member's actions or words flicks the wrong switch on me. Perhaps that is why I rather have these sporadic reunions, than a customary visit and encounter with my blood relatives.
My brother-in-law, who in his buzz had just insisted that my presence was always welcomed in his home, peeked through the window of the high rise condominium.
From a short distance a pool deck was host to guests and residents of the complex. Men and woman enjoyed the warm sun and the soothing water. On the far left of the patio two men in shorts held hands, romantically.
“I don’t need to see that…” said my brother-in-law as he walked away.
I knew why he made that comment.
“I remember a time when my dad used to say the same,” I said.
Only my Jewish brother-in-law noticed my response and annoyance.
My black brother-in-law, the one who made the comment, didn’t get it.
I left.
It wasn’t that long ago, I remembered, when people would stare at interracial couples with a nauseated expression. Seems situations haven’t changed much in America, just how they are expressed.
Moreover, people continue to contend that they aren’t prejudice because they have a family member or friend who is a member of a group for whom they express discrimination.
My father used to say, I don’t like most black people, but Nowell is different; as if my brother-in-law wasn’t black or he was an anomaly. But in this case, I was the anomaly.
Gays are gross, especially if they hold hands in public, but I’m OK.
Don’t get me wrong, my brother-in-law is a great human being, but he doesn’t get it.
And, he’s not alone.
My most recent partner refused to go with me to an NAACP banquet as our relationship neared the end.
“What am I going to do in a room full of niggers?” he reasoned. “At least you are colored.”
--That made sense, right?
Recently, I went to dinner with a gay white man who also referred to black people who work at Wal-Mart as “lazy niggers.” Not even my protest that affirmed that my relatives were black stopped him.
While most people I encounter express themselves positively about Latinos, I wonder how what they say about my people behind my back.
Wait! There was one occasion. When a spokesman for the city council I covered as a reporter told me he wouldn’t take his family to the Cinco de Mayo celebrations in the city because he didn’t want to expose them to the gang members.
How is it possible that in 2009 we still have not reached a level intellectual equanimity?
Yet, we expect others to respect of others and fair treatment.
Perhaps it’s because as minority groups we haven’t been able to look past our noses. Latinos disparage themselves based on their country of origin; other ethnic groups chastise homosexuals based on the same religious rearing that at one time was used to keep them “in their place;” and gays and lesbians often look down on people living with HIV, bisexuals and transgender people.
An even playing field never will be reached as long as one group of people continues make excuses, exceptions and extraordinary judgments about another group of people they view with lesser value.
My only hope is that Lorelei, my prima-sobrina (my cousin's daughter), experiences a world that is free of discrimination. Where it doesn't matter what type of consenting adult decides to hold hands in public because all that should matter is that it is a loving couple.
